Post by Reno on Jul 20, 2012 23:32:16 GMT -5
HA! GUESS WHAT THE TITLE IS MAKING FUN OF!
Hey guys I've been wanting to make this thread for as long as who the hell cares. No really it's about as long as I don't know or care.
Anyways, this thread is just where I want to put stuff that I want to talk about. Any stuff. Stuff I like or stuff I don't like. Weird shit that I think is funny or just stuff about myself. So I'll kickstart this thread with a little something I wrote about Laguna from FFVIII.
Laguna Loire. Hero. Soldier. Retard.
Laguna is the idiotic and long haired sissy girly man child father of Final Fantasy VIII protagonist Squall Leonhart. He's also the president of the most technologically advanced city in the entire world after coming up with an ingenious plan to overthrow their previous dictator Sorceress Adel. Most important of all he's one of the two characters in the entire game to actually have the sense to use a fucking gun for a weapon.
But what's the main point I'm trying to make? My point is that Laguna should've been the main character in Final Fantasy VIII. Here's some reasons why I think that:
1. He's more interesting.
Like I said before Laguna is a complete moron (Hell this is true for the entire cast of FFVIII) but at least he has heart. Something that his emotionally disturbed son doesn't have. Squall is a gigantic pussy who has too many conflicts of self doubt, too many internal monologues with himself, and too many emotional problems. Fuck, the guy once stormed out of a room yelling because someday people will eventually start to refer to him in the past tense. Oh no! The word 'was' is soooo scary! He's also a terrible leader and has zero interest in his teammates. I don't care what you say or what the game wants you to think, when handed the briefing for the assassination mission near the end of disc 1, a good leader would've said, "You're fucking kidding, right? Lower the gates and bring her guard up? There's no way this will work."
Laguna isn't that great of a leader either but his complete lack of intelligence is his greatest strength. His plans are so incredibly moronic that they literally stun his opponents while they comprehend how somebody could be so stupid. If you've ever played the game Bulletstorm, Laguna is pretty much just like Gray. He's stupid as hell but he gets the job done.
2. His teammates are more interesting.
Everytime that party select menu came up in FFVIII I thought to myself, "Ah shit, I don't want to choose any of these people." Aside from Quistis, the entire party of the game sucks ass. (I have a hot teacher fetish btw.) I'll go into why they suck another time. But here's a comparison:
Squall's team:
Quistis: HOT! But also a woman and has woman feelings and lets feelings get in the way of mission. She's also a woman.
Selphie: Train obsessed and bat shit insane woman.
Irvine: The love child of Indiana Jones and Richard Simmons.
Rinoa: Annoying. Whore. Skank. Bitch. Woman.
Zell: Don't even get me started on this fairy.
Laguna's team:
Kiros: Black man with giant blades who calls Laguna out on his bullshit.
Ward: A fat fuck of a man who uses a goddamn boat anchor as a weapon. The epitome of manly.
Seriously. I would like to get to know Kiros and Ward better. The conversations between Laguna, Kiros, and Ward all felt really great and real. With Squall's team it just feels like a bunch of teenagers who are working together on a class project...owait....
I would've loved to see more character development with Kiros and Ward but instead in the game most of what we got is "Oh they're just those guys that follow Laguna around." It would've been great to see how the three met, got to know each other, and got some backstory on them. I mean where the hell did Kiros grow up? Who dresses like that? Why is Ward so fucking manly? How can an actual man exist in a Final Fantasy game? These are questions that need answering.
3. His limit break
This is something I can't describe, it must be witnessed:
Please excuse me. I just came.
4. His battle theme
Man with the machine gun is one of the best Final Fantasy battle tracks ever. It's simply amazing and makes every random encounter an
awesome battle even if it's against fungars. Just listen:
Excuse me. I just came. Again.
5. The plot would actually make sense.
FFVIII makes no fucking sense and you know it. I could elaborate but....you know how many more paragraphs this would be if I did?! Holy shit.
If the plot of the game was centered around Laguna it would make sense. Why? Because it wouldn't be anything like the FFVIII we know today. It would've been completely different and potentially great. Back in the 90s Square was still Squaresoft and they still knew how to make good games (for the most part). I have no idea what the plot would be about but at least in this version of FFVIII we wouldn't have to get to know Squall, Rinoa, Irvine, Selphie, and fairy fuck Zell Dincht. Or have to suffer the forced romance. Or have to wrap our heads around the fucking time loop story.
Ugh fuck it. I'm done.
Hey guys I've been wanting to make this thread for as long as who the hell cares. No really it's about as long as I don't know or care.
Anyways, this thread is just where I want to put stuff that I want to talk about. Any stuff. Stuff I like or stuff I don't like. Weird shit that I think is funny or just stuff about myself. So I'll kickstart this thread with a little something I wrote about Laguna from FFVIII.
Laguna Loire. Hero. Soldier. Retard.
Laguna is the idiotic and long haired sissy girly man child father of Final Fantasy VIII protagonist Squall Leonhart. He's also the president of the most technologically advanced city in the entire world after coming up with an ingenious plan to overthrow their previous dictator Sorceress Adel. Most important of all he's one of the two characters in the entire game to actually have the sense to use a fucking gun for a weapon.
But what's the main point I'm trying to make? My point is that Laguna should've been the main character in Final Fantasy VIII. Here's some reasons why I think that:
1. He's more interesting.
Like I said before Laguna is a complete moron (Hell this is true for the entire cast of FFVIII) but at least he has heart. Something that his emotionally disturbed son doesn't have. Squall is a gigantic pussy who has too many conflicts of self doubt, too many internal monologues with himself, and too many emotional problems. Fuck, the guy once stormed out of a room yelling because someday people will eventually start to refer to him in the past tense. Oh no! The word 'was' is soooo scary! He's also a terrible leader and has zero interest in his teammates. I don't care what you say or what the game wants you to think, when handed the briefing for the assassination mission near the end of disc 1, a good leader would've said, "You're fucking kidding, right? Lower the gates and bring her guard up? There's no way this will work."
Laguna isn't that great of a leader either but his complete lack of intelligence is his greatest strength. His plans are so incredibly moronic that they literally stun his opponents while they comprehend how somebody could be so stupid. If you've ever played the game Bulletstorm, Laguna is pretty much just like Gray. He's stupid as hell but he gets the job done.
2. His teammates are more interesting.
Everytime that party select menu came up in FFVIII I thought to myself, "Ah shit, I don't want to choose any of these people." Aside from Quistis, the entire party of the game sucks ass. (I have a hot teacher fetish btw.) I'll go into why they suck another time. But here's a comparison:
Squall's team:
Quistis: HOT! But also a woman and has woman feelings and lets feelings get in the way of mission. She's also a woman.
Selphie: Train obsessed and bat shit insane woman.
Irvine: The love child of Indiana Jones and Richard Simmons.
Rinoa: Annoying. Whore. Skank. Bitch. Woman.
Zell: Don't even get me started on this fairy.
Laguna's team:
Kiros: Black man with giant blades who calls Laguna out on his bullshit.
Ward: A fat fuck of a man who uses a goddamn boat anchor as a weapon. The epitome of manly.
Seriously. I would like to get to know Kiros and Ward better. The conversations between Laguna, Kiros, and Ward all felt really great and real. With Squall's team it just feels like a bunch of teenagers who are working together on a class project...owait....
I would've loved to see more character development with Kiros and Ward but instead in the game most of what we got is "Oh they're just those guys that follow Laguna around." It would've been great to see how the three met, got to know each other, and got some backstory on them. I mean where the hell did Kiros grow up? Who dresses like that? Why is Ward so fucking manly? How can an actual man exist in a Final Fantasy game? These are questions that need answering.
3. His limit break
This is something I can't describe, it must be witnessed:
Please excuse me. I just came.
4. His battle theme
Man with the machine gun is one of the best Final Fantasy battle tracks ever. It's simply amazing and makes every random encounter an
awesome battle even if it's against fungars. Just listen:
Excuse me. I just came. Again.
5. The plot would actually make sense.
FFVIII makes no fucking sense and you know it. I could elaborate but....you know how many more paragraphs this would be if I did?! Holy shit.
If the plot of the game was centered around Laguna it would make sense. Why? Because it wouldn't be anything like the FFVIII we know today. It would've been completely different and potentially great. Back in the 90s Square was still Squaresoft and they still knew how to make good games (for the most part). I have no idea what the plot would be about but at least in this version of FFVIII we wouldn't have to get to know Squall, Rinoa, Irvine, Selphie, and fairy fuck Zell Dincht. Or have to suffer the forced romance. Or have to wrap our heads around the fucking time loop story.
Ugh fuck it. I'm done.